219224

Joke of the Day

"Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it"

"My friend's son wanted to be a ""Super-Pirate"" for his birthday... But after running against the door he discovered that even a ""Super-Pirate"" only needs one eyepatch"

"I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid."

"What is the difference between a baby and a alarm clock? You only have to hit the alarm clock once to make it be quiet..."

"I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions."

"Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites attract."

"DBZA Joke! Frieza: How do you work the Dragon Balls? Nail: Did you work the shaft?"

"Everyone always pets my pregnant wife's stomach and says 'congratulations' but no one ever rubs my balls and says 'good job'."

"What do you call ghosts commiting bank robberies? The Polterheist"

"How do you get a faggot to fuck a bitch? You shit in her cunt."