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Joke of the Day

"Q. Why do men like smart women? A. Opposites attract."

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"My grandfather died in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany... ... he fell from a watchtower when he got drunk again."
"How do you get a hippie chick pregnant? Cum on her shoes and let the flies do the rest"
"So I was coloring my few, grey hairs with a sharpie and Hubby walked in. He told me, I'm the reason for warning labels on small appliances."
"Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!"
"Not a fan of APA MLA, however, was love at first cite."
"On this new diet where I eat carbs and then more carbs and then the carbs cross each other out."
"I like my women the way I like my wine... 15 years old and locked in my cellar on a rack."
"son: I don't think he likes me wife: your dad just has a hard time showing affection me: [holding bag of doritos] GOD I LOVE DORITOS"
"When someone at the gym asks if I'm ""using that equipment"", I say ""No, my love for it is real."" To date, I'm the only one to find that funny"