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Joke of the Day
"Quentin Tarantino always looks like he walked through a car wash."
Next Joke
"[laser tag] Instructor: Dude, you're not gonna run out of ammo Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let's just agree to disagree"
"My new nickname at work should be ""Laxative"" cause I make sh*t happen."
"Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can't curve his paw into a little fist"
"I went jogging one time why am I not thin?"
"Did you know I'm actually ambidextrous... I can actually write fuck all with both hands!"
"Three things that are certain in life~ 1) Death 2) Paying taxes 3) Somewhere a woman is pissed at a man ...."
"Making holy water from regular water is easy. Just boil the hell out of it."
"Growing up means you start to find it creepy that your dad's pet name for your mom is ""Squirty"""
"Can you believe that after all the shit they've been through, they're still together? My Buttcheeks ((_"