218925

Joke of the Day

"I remember the last thing my grandad said to me before he kicked the bucket. ""I'm going to kick this bucket"""

"TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade"

"Who gets more pleasure from sex? - Well, thinking logically, it must be a woman. - Why? - If you want to scratch your ear, what part of your body gets more pleasure? Finger or ear?"

"You know how you can tell if an Irishman has had too much to drink He walks into a bar"

"Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being."

"A Muslim, a black guy, a horse, a pirate, a gay, a chicken and a rabbi all walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"My credit card was stolen today I don't think I'm gonna do anything about it. So far he's spending way less than my wife does."

"So I heard that Paul Walker, actor in Fast and Furious, died at the age of 40 in a car crash. I suppose he had bad *karma*"

"We are thinking about making chili for Christmas Eve. We're starting a new tradition called 'silent but deadly night'."

"""I'll just stagger around yelling random, incoherent shit as people try to keep me from hurting myself."" Drunks and 1 year olds."