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Joke of the Day

"Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster... Just made it a bit sluggish."

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."

"My best friend stole my wife from me... I am really going to miss him."

"I used to be a banker...... but then I got fired."

"""Here's what I would do..."" - me, giving bad advice"

"Timmy walks in on his mother getting dressed... Now you're thinking of the time you saw your mothers breasts."

"I've just read a book on how dramatically footballers wives lose their looks once their husbands retire.It's a real WAGS to witches story."

"Why do black people have white palms? Because there's a little good in everyone!"

"As I get older and continue to meet new people... I realize that swallowing should be more of a thing."

"You know what really grinds my gears? Friction"