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Joke of the Day

"Two lesbians walk into red lobster"

"Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass"

"Q: Why did the blonde give a blow job after sex? A: She wanted to have her cock and eat it too."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.""...... Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Why is the old decrepit horse named Flattery? Because it gets you nowhere!"

"A giraffe was at an airport security check line. The security guy asked ""Is that your laptop?"". The giraffe replied ""I thought you would never ask."""

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"Why did the hipster burn himself? Because he played with fire before it was cool."

"Three guys walk in to a bar... The 4th one ducks"

"Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me."