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Joke of the Day

"It's so rough where I live ... We don't have Jehova's witnesses, we have Jehova's bystanders (who are like ""We didn't see nothing"")"

"Why is mild cheddar even a thing? Who are these people who can't handle sharp cheddar & why are they allowed to influence the cheese market?"

"Three seals walk into a club... Martyrdom"

"When I die I want everyone.. ..... come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back and not say a word, so everyone will think I lived a cool double life."

"Don't let an extra chromosome let you down!"

"Never yell about your hatred towards black eyes at a NAACP convention."

"If you want to make God laugh.... ...tell him your plans."

"What do you call a black person flying an airplane? A pilot, you fucking racist!"

"Yes, I said I was sorry and that I'd do anything to win you back. But that was before you told me you needed a ride to the airport at 5am."

"I'd stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff."