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Joke of the Day
"What is a long room with many doors called? I'm not sure, I hallways forget"
Next Joke
"INVENTOR OF SOUP: [holding water in one hand and sandwich in the other] wat if... wat if water was mor like sandwich"
"""So all you have to do is scroll down the screen to reverse her progression from sexy prom queen to fat soccer mom."" - Facebook's Timeline"
"One of the great pleasures of living in a city is walking by a pile of bloody clothes and thinking, ""Someone else will take care of this."""
"When I bend down to feed the cat she leaps onto my back.When I try to stand back up it's the saddest tiny rodeo you've ever seen."
"I heard the Sandy Hook kids wanted books But instead they got magazines."
"3: Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy? Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired? Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom? Me: 3:"
"Recently a fellow coin maker challenged me to beat his best work. (x-post /r/3amjokes) When I punched his daughter's face, he said ""That's not what I mint."" At least his daughter was impressed."
"I give frequent lectures about informative and interesting topics underwater. For academic porpoises."
"What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday? aye matey!"