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Joke of the Day

"Why do cats make better medical technicians than dogs? Because dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan."

"i don't think i'll ever get the recognition i deserve for being the world's biggest pessimistic narcissist"

"You must have been born on a highway... ...because that's where most accidents happen. Thanks random kid on CS:GO."

"The nice thing about being a hypochondriac is eventually you'll be right, then die while going, ""See? Told you."""

"I wonder if girls on dates in the 1800's got mad at guys for checking their treasure maps."

"5 out of 6 people would recommend it... 5 out of 6 people who played Russian roulette, would recommend it to others."

"All my jokes are lost baggage... You'll get them in a couple days"

"What's long and hard on a black man? The First grade!"

"I felt like making a joke about the stock market but I won't burst your bubble."

"Barack Obama is planning to tighten gun purchase loopholes by executive order this week. Republicans are already planning to shoot it down."