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Joke of the Day

"I cant believe I forgot to go to the gym this morning. That's 7 years in a row now."

"Why did the Irish woman only put 239 beans into her bean soup? Because 1 more would have been 240..."

"Q: What kind of jewelry does Hillary look best in? A: Handcuffs."

"I failed every subject except for algebra. How did you keep from failing that? I didn't take algebra!"

"You can buy wedding cake even if there's no wedding, those suckers don't even check"

"Someone asked me today where I'll be in 5 years... Seriously? I'm wearing glasses, you know I don't have 2020 vision."

"What did the left eye say to the right eye? Just between you and me, something smells down there."

"GUY: I dare you ME: no G: I double dog dare you ME: no G: I TRIPLE dog dare you! ME: [realizing if I keep this up ill get a lot of dogs] no"

"So I was talking to Abrham Lincoln And I asked him, ""what are you doing tonight?"". He said, ""My wife's dragging me to a play somebody please kill me."""

"Video games don't cause violence, they PREVENT it. Whenever I see a turtle now, I chuck it off the nearest cliff where it can't hurt anyone."