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Joke of the Day

"scared the postman i scared the postman today by showing up to the door completely naked. im not sure what scared him more, the fact that i was naked, or that i knew where he lived"

"What is Michele Obama's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"My girlfriend is a pornstar Shes going to kill me once she finds out,"

"What do you get when you mix a bulldog and a shih tzu? Bullshit. Works better if you say it out loud."

"Twitter turns six today. It seems like just yesterday that I spoke to my family."

"Where does Stevie Wonder park his car? In blind spots."

"What does a woman's arsehole do when she is having great intercourse? He is at home taking care of the kids."

"Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola? A: A viola burns longer."

"What do you call a student that graduates bottom of their class in Med school? A doctor."

"*donates my body to science* Science: no thank you"