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Joke of the Day

"It still really upsets me that my dog stopped talking to me around the same time I gave up taking hallucinogenic drugs."

"Me: Table for four, please. And can we get some crayons? Her: Will there be children dining today? Me: No. The crayons are for me."

"Birth control??? Here watch my kids for 10 minutes."

"Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year, and its own the chimney."

"Have you heard about the goodweather witch? She's forecasting sunny spells."

"What do you call a Mexican baptism? Bean dip"

"if i was a conductor of an orchestra, i would abuse my power by making them warm up to a stirring rendition of ""ice, ice, baby."""

"Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Artichoke ! Artichoke who ! Artichoke when he swallowed his yo-yo !"

"What do you call an affectionate rabbit? A tender loving hare."