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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist."

"What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"""This one's cute."" - me picking out a watermelon. I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A gorilla with a machine gun."

"Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I'm thirsty."

"A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, ""I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..."" ""...and then it was too late."""

"The two hardest things in programming? Naming things, caching things and off-by-one errors!"

"I leaked a sex tape of myself 3 months ago. It has 14 hits! Those hits are from me checking to see how many hits it has."

"What do you call a urinary tract infection caused in a virgin? Immaculate Infection"

"Susie 1 - Why did Susie fall off the swing? 2 - Because she had no arms 1 - Knock Knock 2 - Who's there? 1 - Not Susie"