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Joke of the Day

"Since I'm home alone tonight, I'm carrying around the biggest kitchen knife I could find. You know, to stab any murderers who come for me."

"My gf said she is going to leave me because of my obsession with the monkeys... I didn't believe her at first, But then i saw her face and now im a believer."

"Why was Aladdin disqualified from the Rio Olympics? He was on performance-enhancing rugs."

"There is one instrument I just can't stand.. The Sitar"

"A homosexual, a Pedophile and a Priest walk into a bar The bartender asked him what he would like to drink."

"Whats Hitlers least favourite pokemon? Pikajew!"

"Did you guys hear about the fight in the bathroom? Two bums got wiped"

"The Breakfast Club: (1985) (1hr 37 mins) Not a single breakfast is had. Barely a club. Misleading. 1/10"

"Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor Bastard."

"What do you call a homosexual in Iran after he's been outed? Low hanging fruit."