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Joke of the Day

"""You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."" ""But after that I'm not responsible for any more room charges, correct?"""

"My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace. After a few hours I finally found the exit."

"Who did the chickens vote for president? Baraaaaaak Obama"

"Aw, crap, I just ate a silica gel pack. Why didn't I take seriously the ""Do Not Eat"" warning on it? It just looked so effin' delicious."

"Hey everyone in a play pretending to drive a car - stop steering so much."

"What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use? AAA"

"I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app."

"10: What does AF mean? After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF. Why do you ask? 10: Mom said you were lazy AF."

"I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently ""cancer"" is best left to ""medical professionals"""

"What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi I'll let myself out now."