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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tounge? He bit into his flat bread before it was cool!"

"What kind of pants does Mario wear? Denim, denim, denim."

"What's green with little red wheels? Grass. I was lying about the little red wheels. Missing my grandpa today. This was always his favorite."

"a few things i notice while on pain killers: i don't blink, unicorns talk too fast & i can remove my right leg at the hip."

"Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show a deer how it's done."

"Actors retweeting compliments is the modern day version of actors murdering hookers."

"Q: How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Why are you asking me that question? Can't you see I'm busy!"

"*secret agent slaps me* I'll never give you answers *he grabs my throat* ""WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA"" *spits* I'd rather die"

"My ex is such a loser that if there was a competition for the world's biggest loser, he'd still only win 2nd place."

"So a termite walks into a bar... ...and asks, ""Hey, is the bar tender here?"""