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Joke of the Day

"If your method of birth control is abstinence... ...and you miss a day, you might be in trouble."

"""Dress for the job you want,"" they said. Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option."

"I'm sorry that I'll never be as fun in person as I am in drunk texts."

"Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? EVERYWHERE"

"Damn girl are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and wont shut the fuck up."

"Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall."

"Why is it so difficult to convict a redneck? Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records."

"I need a less intrusive addiction than Twitter so I started using meth this morning."

"When I was a kid, I had a lemonade stand. I'd give away the first glass for free and charge $20 for the second. The refill contained the antidote."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients."