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Joke of the Day

"Free admission to Disney On Ice!! Just push your knee against your eyes and you'll get to watch This Knee On Eyes."

"I'm sorry I said your baby looks like a hairless hamster. But in my defense, you shouldn't have had a hairless hamster for a baby."

"Want to know if you're in the wrong relationship? If you were reading this hoping I really had the answer, it's over. You're welcome."

"#1 Handjob Tip for Women: Use your mouth."

"When you first learn about the Banach-Tarski Paradox it sounds cool... ...but, when you break it down, you'll realize you've actually seen it twice."

"Best amputation jokes? Friend has bone cancer, may be getting an arm amputated. We have run ""I'd give my left arm"" and ""Single-handedly"" puns into the ground, and we need more amputation jokes."

"Genuinely stunned France has adopted the word ""wifi"" rather than ""le signal librement accessible sans l'utilisation de fils"" or some shit."

"How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"Repost: 9/10 doctors recommend water over soda 1/10 doctors live in flint Michigan"

"A limerick for The Isle of Skye When I was on the Isle of Skye I overdid the old Spanish fly I had a stiff member From the fourth of December Till Friday the tenth of July"