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Joke of the Day

"Sir, there is a complaint filed against you. You called the prime minister a whore... OK. Who filed the complaint, prime minister or the whore?"

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"Dear Californians- Quit telling everyone there's a drought. The ocean is right there. You're just lazy."
"This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
"[climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi"
"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke."
"What do you call a blond-haired, blue-eyed guy who is well-endowed? A Hung-Ariyan."
"Rest in peace boiled water You will be mist."
"What Is The Best Sub Reddit To See Once Watching ""Gods Of Egypt?"" /r/EyeBleach."
"I'm very patient in the way that I can last 45 minutes trying to fix something before I have to pound the shit out of it with a hammer."
"I always wondered why a Frisbee looks like it gets bigger & bigger the closer it comes to you.. and then it hit me."