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Joke of the Day

"My whole family loves iron It runs in our blood."

"Guy: Hey girl, you got the Zika? Girl: I dunno, why? Guy: Cause I want a little head."

"I like my women like I like my M.C. Escher paintings Impossibly proportioned"

"A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, ""Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."""

"The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof"

"Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies"

"What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip."

"Bitch, shut up and look riveted as shit while I get stoned and talk about crossbows for like three hours."

"Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*"

"""No, there's no way!"" I totally could ""No you couldn't!"" *slams the rest of his beer* I can and I will -the first guy to ride an ostrich"