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Joke of the Day

"Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To keep their pants up."

"I was born half female... You see, my mum was one."

"Me: WHAT DO WE WANT?! Him: ""Nothing. I'm good."" WHEN DO WE WANT IT? ""Seriously, knock it off."" I GOT A NEW BULLHORN! ""I can see that.."

"FRIEND: What's your type? ME: In guys or in blood?"

"What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad."

"What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common? The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside."

"Why are the people with the most annoying laughs the ones that find everything hysterical?"

"[Calls boss] I won't be in today ""Why not?"" [camera pans out to a raccoon wearing sunglasses driving away in my car] I've got the shits."

"What happened to the cannibal who was late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder."

"Which Greek god was annoyed by his invitation to the Goddess Dyslexia's party? Ares."