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Joke of the Day

"My kids are playing cowboys and Indians. One is pretending to ride a horse and shoot stuff, the other is providing tech support."

"I hate when someone I had sex with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook. Request denied, Principle Anderson."

"I like to mix things up a bit and go to a fast food place and complain that there isn't enough pubic hair or fingernails in my food."

"According to my autocorrect, i'm wearing edible pantries"

"Guy: Why does everyone call you ""Gross Gary""? Gary: [filling a canteen with hotdog water] Nobody calls me that."

"Have you ever met a person, & knew straight away that they were 'the one'? Yah. I had to take a restraining order out too."

"What do you call an alligator from India whose in charge of telling everyone what to do? A Deli-gator...I'll be here all week!"

"what do you call a deaf Gorilla? Anything you like he cannot hear you"

"Baby showers are so weird. It's like ""hey, congrats on having a functional reproductive system""."

"HEY OFFICER, STOP SCREAMING AT ME TO PULL OVER, I'M DRUNK NOT DEAF"