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Joke of the Day

"If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one...?"

"Why did the bunch of grapes exile one of the grapes? It was a persona non grappa."

"Justin Bieber will be an old man someday and it will be hilarious."

"Sadly, I had to quit my job as a taxi driver... I just couldn't stand everyone talking behind my back."

"How many friend zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they will all just stand there complimenting it and get pissed when it wont screw."

"My daughter told me this one today and it had me in stitches. Two goldfish are in a tank... One turns to the other and says: ""You man the guns, I'll drive"""

"If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say ""like"""

"*writes 'amount to something' on bucket list* *crosses it out* *writes 'mount something'* Yeah. That's do-able."

"My Dad was the town drunk, ... and we lived in Chicago."

"Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we're getting somewhere."