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Joke of the Day

"One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking."

"Hi welcome to Hollister, would you like a flashlight?"

"Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker."

"I like to play music loud It's kind of my forte."

"Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit."

"Whats the difference between a hormone and an enzyme??? You can't hear an enzyme, but you can hear a hormone."

"Apparently the same firm rents buildings to both ISIS and Neo-Nazis. You could say they're the lessor of two evils."

"Went to Costco for eggs. Walked out with a toaster oven, an 80 inch 4K TV, minus 1 child and no eggs."

"My friend Gav died of heartburn the other day Gaviscon"

"Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was"