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Joke of the Day
"My friend Gav died of heartburn the other day Gaviscon"
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"As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee"
"iOS 8 fail."
"Two art theives were going about their business at an art museum. One said to the other, ""Grab the Monet and let's Gogh."""
"Joke from my young cousin Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is black."
"I threw a parking cone at someone. I am the drunkest person in the United states."
"Best part of election night is seeing how fast states tabulate votes and judging the slow ones. What's up, Sloth Carolina?!"
"Interviewer: what's your greatest weakness? Me: I'm always very honest. Interviewer: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."
"Definition of a best friend He goes out and gets two blow jobs and comes back and gives you one."
"Gary Johnson withdraws from the Libertarian Ticket. Replaced by Harambe. That's right. Johnsons out for Harambe!"