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Joke of the Day

"I need to stop seeing caution tape as some kind of finish line."

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes *whack* ""damn"" and a bad skydiver goes ""damn"" *whack*"

"Why are we not injecting ourselves with Magic Johnson blood?!"

"How can you tell a rich Swiss from a poor Swiss? The poor swiss washes his Mercedes by himself"

"I tried to put two apples together But then I got a pear"

"What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet? Underlay! Underlay!"

"I think the closest I've come to playing romantic music at a girl's window is when I forgot to turn down ""Eye Of The Tiger"" at the drivethru"

"My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded"

"Oliver Twist: ""Please sir, I want some more!?"" Manger: ""Kid, you do realize this is a buffet?"""

"Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!"