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Joke of the Day

"My entire life I have never been able to finish anything. Most recent is this punch"

"I pushed a hipster down the stairs today... He's still Tumbling!"

"Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium **BATMAN! **"

"Why do people make fun of me because I've never grabbed a girl's boobs? I still don't get tit."

"Q: What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months? A: An Apple turnover."

"Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires."

"If I could, I'd wear plaid every day. But I feel as though doing that would cross several lines."

"Say what you will about human beings, but we did invent ice cream."

"Good cop: I get it. You wanted an easy way out. Laptop: Please update Adobe."

"I probably should kill myself Because I want to leave the same way I came. By my own hand."