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Joke of the Day

"My teacher told me my drawing was pretty good, I told her I know. My mom always told me I was borderline artistic."

"What's the worst part about being a redneck? Having to see your ex at family gatherings."

"Why can't a hand be 12 inches long? BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT!"

"Watson: ""Holmes, why are you wrapped in a thin aluminium sheet?"" Holmes: ""DAMMIT, FOILED AGAIN!"""

"if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England"

"Anytime I fly over the exact spot a time zone changes, I yell ""88 MILES PER HOUR!!!!"""

"Q: What's small red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator."

"[Job interview] ""Can you explain this gap in your resume?"" Me: ""I fell asleep on the space key."""

"The person with duct tape holding most of their car together always has the right-of-way."

"How many ears does Spock have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear."