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Joke of the Day

"The most unrealistic part of The Martian movie was... CNN's coverage did not involve speculation about whether Joe Biden would also get stuck on Mars"

"I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach... You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk. [source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]"

"Tape Recording for Beginners by Cass Ette"

"I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"

"A disease that kills you and can only be spread through the transmission of bodily fluids. Are we sure we're not talking about marriage?"

"How can you tell if a black girl is pregnant? You stick a chicken wing up her vagina and it comes out clean."

"You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on"

"Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?... Anyway, my sister in law just caught me masturbating."

"someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself"

"My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us."