216966

Joke of the Day

"Why did the Little Mermaid run away with the fisherman? He had allure."

"Why did the chicken coop have two doors? 'cause if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan"

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool."

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... -Lee Harvey Oswald"

"[Favorite joke from Letterman] What goes into thirteen twice? Roman Polanski."

"Well, if it doesn't include antidepressants, they shouldn't call it a Happy Meal."

"I think it's really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Steve, agrees with me."

"*young woman walks by Wife: Wow, she looks really good, don't you think? Me: NO WAY, I'M NOT GOING TO FALL FOR THAT"

"I know what a bird can do that you can't. Whistle through its pecker."

"What's pink and red and goes 100MPH. A baby in a blender."