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Joke of the Day

"I named my boat ""Marriage""... so that it will never sink, cause marriage is a hardship."

"Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because the kids have to play inside."

"My new year's resolution is that donuts have no calories."

"She wants to know what I accomplished on my day off, but when I show her she yells at me for not flushing. Marriage is hard."

"""Dad, I cant sleep."" Dad: [enters chugging a Monster] SLEEP IS DEAD. GET A JOB. ""Dad Im seven-"" Dad: SO WERE THE DWARVES BUT THEY HAD JOBS."

"The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies"

"Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a ""waist""? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there"

"What do you call an integral that doesn't like derivatives? An anti-derivative."

"Down with the metric system No more foreign rulers!"

"How many dead babies does it take to fill up my house? One more."