216895

Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the Chinese geologist find a date? He was vehemently opposed to wrong rocks on the beach."

"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""

"[interrupts history professor] THAT HAPPENED ON MY BIRTHDAY"

"Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !"

"[laying in bed] wife: Did you remember to find a stud before you hung the TV up? me: Yes *sound of TV crashing to the floor* me: No"

"Have you heard about the elephant that went on a crash diet ? He wrecked three cars a bus and two fire engines !"

"Here's a broom go sweep the floors... 'Here's a broom go sweep the floors.' 'But I have a PhD...' 'Oh, I'm sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done.'"

"Mean Mom My mom was very mean. She would always complain to me ""why can't you be like your cousin Jeffrey, WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE YOUR COUSIN JEFFREY!"" ...My cousin Jeffrey died at birth."

"What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant."

"What did the egg say to a pot of boiling water? ""I'm not ready to get hard yet, I just got laid!"""