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Joke of the Day

"""To label you ""divine"" would be to capture but a fraction of your resplendence. ... and could you pleeeeease grab an Oreo while you're up?"""

"Apparently just because your dad had a bunch of DUI's, the cops won't accept ""tradition"" as an excuse as to why you're driving drunk."

"There is a race between a skull and a small butt one's clearly ahead, the other's a little behind"

"me: how was your camping trip 5 y/o: good me: what'd you guys do 5 y/o: camped"

"When I was 8 years old, my dad got me with the worst dad joke ever. He said he was going to the store and would be back soon..."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world... ...those who understand Binary, and those who don't."

"Two mormons walk into a bar Have a drink, talk to some ladies, do some blow, have sex, then wake up and leave the Mormon religion."

"If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won't open the door. I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no."

"This Christmas... This Christmas, Donald Trump's hair becomes sentient and nukes canada. Only one Democratic Socialist can prevent a total World War. Bernie Sanders stars... in HELL TOUPEE"

"What did the grape say when she let her kids play in the sun to long? I hate raisin kids!"