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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jews and a bullet? The bullet comes out of the chamber."

"I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me."

"What's got two legs and bleeds? half a dog [Derek, s01e05]"

"How do you castrate the pope? Kick the altar boy in the chin."

"[at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first"

"I used to be terrified of my dentist. He wasn't rough with my teeth or anything, he was just a paedophile."

"Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters? Because he hates capitalism."

"What's the difference between a Thai man and a Thai woman? Pls help."

"""Mom?"" ""Yes?"" ""Are we having seafood for dinner?"" ""No, why?"" ""I heard Dad on the phone."" ""And?"" ""He said that he picked up a case of crabs."""

"My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died."