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Joke of the Day

"You've never been truly drunk until you've had to use a bar-stool as a walker to get home."

"Cool story bro, needs more dragons and shit - how Game of Thrones started, probably."

"Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it."

"I don't understand... ...how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and yet my wife can have 152 just for our house."

"TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel. Whoops, wrong sub."

"I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when someone shows me an ultrasound pic"

"Who was that on the phone Fred? Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !"

"I absolutely despise double-standards... Except when it's me, then it's okay."

"A vulture tries to get on an airplane with a raccoon under each wing. The pilot stops him saying, ""Sorry, you're only allowed one carry-on."""

"Why should you bring two pairs of pants when you golf? In case you get a hole-in-one (stolen from some girl at school)"