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Joke of the Day
"That old man reminds me of your puppy... They're both probably going to die within 20 years."
Next Joke
"A lawyer, a high jumper and an Irish man walk up to a bar The lawyer passed it, the high jumper jumped over it and the Irish man went in and got wasted."
"How do you make an octopus laugh? You give it ten-tickles"
"I managed to lose 245lbs of unsightly flesh... Divorced the wife."
"Glass of wine a night A woman drinking a glass of wine a night can increase the chances of a stroke. A full bottle and you might get a blowjob."
"Number Bullying 1 was making fun of 0 for being fat and how he equates to nothing. This continued for several weeks until 0 had enough. He grabs 1 by his throat and shouts ""Stop boolean me!""."
"What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror."
"What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common? The car and the bus both have wheels."
"I test my smoke alarm batteries by burning the fuck out of everything I cook."
"I finally decided to unfollow someone who hasn't tweeted in a year. They'll probably come back tomorrow & make me look like a real c**t."