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Joke of the Day

"If you want something to be misinterpreted, post it on the Internet."

"What did the fish say when it ran into the wall? Dam."

"Decided to announce that I'm gay today after being relieved of my constipation. It felt so good coming out."

"Do you know how the store Menards got its name? A pirate was kicked in the nuts and he went, ""Arr! Me-nards!"""

"I ran out of excuses to get out of family gatherings, so I moved out of state."

"When I die, I hope Bethesda lowers my coffin into the ground. So they can let me down one last time."

"What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet? dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)"

"Hate being fat. Love eating food."

"Grandpa walks into a drug store Grandpa: ""I'd like to buy 99 condoms."" Clerk: ""Why don't you take 100?"" Grandpa: ""Hey, hey! I'm not a rapist!"""

"If Skittles were made from actual fruit, I'd be considered a much better parent."