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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone whose body is only muscular on the right side? A male truck driver."

"When I meet someone new I shake their hand really fast and whisper ""yes, please don't stop"" because people need to learn not to talk to me."

"Did you seriously hire a mentally unstable person to drive our kids just so you could say he's driving them crazy? Me as a principal: Maybe"

"What is the difference between Kanye West and God? God doesn't think that He's Kanye."

"My mom says I procrastinate... But I'll deal with that later"

"What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder without a protein shake? No whey Jose"

"Did you hear that the Department of Agriculture is outlawing round bales of hay? They claimed the cows weren't getting a square meal."

"Picking up a drug addict is easy... They go for any line."

"Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf."

"Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops."