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Joke of the Day

"Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?"

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"My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials Because they're locked in a cage"
"I am suicide bomber AMA Wow this blew up fast."
"A man wrapped in only saran wrap walks into a psychiatrist's office... ...the psychiatrist says, ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""
"How many livers do people have? I want to make sure I have a backup before I put this thing on Ebay."
"sir i need to confiscate all the ice cream in your store yes this is just a costume & i'm not a real cop but no one told me i'm pretty today"
"How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.."
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx"
"They say it takes talent to keep making movies after 50 Apparently they haven't said this to Steven Seagal"
"My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You'd have to be really laid back to not have a problem with that."