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Joke of the Day

"I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st"

"Knock Knock Knock knock Who's there? Cows Cows who? Cows moo! They don't hoo!"

"Why are there no Puerto Rican's in Star Trek? They won't work in the future either."

"How is a picket fence like a mini skirt? They both protect the property but they don't spoil the view."

"[meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary"

"Everyone talks about how May 4th is 100% hands down the best Star Wars holiday ever.... But only a fifth May deal in absolutes.."

"ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too DATE:wow we should all meet up [cut to us at a house of mirrors] DATE: your brother is quiet"

"My favorite Lil Wayne song is the one where he sounds like a confused 8 year old with aspergers reading the list of toppings at Cold Stone."

"Democrats get back at the Republicans on their Christmas list by giving them fruitcakes. Republicans re-wrap them and send them to in-laws."

"I got the eye of the tiger ... and a lifetime ban from my local zoo."