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Joke of the Day
"I only have sex with the lights off to prevent having to explain some of my tattoos."
Next Joke
"What does my dad do when he's drunk and bored? Beats me"
"What is Hillary Clintons least favourite instrumeny? The trump-et."
"Yo momma so fat and a slut... Her ass is the black-hole, it devours everything!!!"
"*turns TV off* ""THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!"" - me every time I watch Toy Story 3"
"People who walk in front of the theater screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude."
"Don't cha wish ya girlfriend was a clinically depressed cat owning weirdo like me"
"(BAD JOKE) Did someone say pretzels? Yes, you just did"
"I planted all the evidence for evolution once it became clear it did not serve the best interest of My reputation to take credit for you."
"I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read."