15877

Joke of the Day

"Watch Forrest Gump *feel inspired *toss orthotics out, go for jog *1/2 block later, keel over and die next to shit happens bumper sticker"

"My grandpa has a heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the zoo."

"Hillary Clinton walks into a bar. Bartender: What'll it be, Secretary Clinton? Hillary: Let me see what polls best among my focus groups."

"Q: How do astronomers organize a party? A: They planet Insert death threats below"

"After years of research, scientists have discovered what the woman wants! Meanwhile she changed her mind."

"What do you call Abby who lives in the city? Downtown Abby"

"Pretty arrogant of Red Delicious Apples to put ""delicious"" in their name. Like calm down. You're still just an apple. You ain't no prize."

"My tombstone will say, ""She was a people pleaser most of her life until one day she snapped and had to be taken out by the national guard."""

"Wanted to respond with ""Perfect!"" but accidentally sent ""Pervert!"" That's my cue to leave. And sorry, Steve, you're probably not a pervert."

"What is Kathy Griffin's screen saver? Celebrity names dropping."