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Joke of the Day

"Once, just once in my life, I'd love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper I'm hunting wabbits."

"TIL that when a teacher is unable to make it to class, they will temporarily hire a... Oh wait, wrong sub."

"Why did the broken straw go to rehab? It had a serious drinking problem."

"Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future. Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did."

"Autocorrect is like being drunk: You only realise what it did after you have left a bad impression."

"Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own."

"I haven't got the nut ratios just right yet, so it's more of a trial mix."

"How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? **None** *Let the bitch cook in the dark.*"

"How is air like sex? It's no big deal unless you're not getting any."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Hippies only screw in tents."