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Joke of the Day

"I told my husband he really should stop masturbating. ""Why?"", he asked ""Because you're making this dinner party REALLY uncomfortable for our guests."""

"""We will, we will paper you!"" - Band that's more awesome than Queen"

"How does a Russian Aeroflot pilot navigate? By reading street signs."

"If you're not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever."

"What do you call a cross between a joke and a hypothetical question?"

"Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at The Alamo? They only had 4 cars."

"The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model."

"Margaret Thatcher Said ""If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman."" If you want nothing said or done.. Ask a cat."

"There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire."

"Ever notice Santa brings way nicer shit to rich kids than poor kids? Hey kids ,maybe it's time to do a little Christmas critical thinking."