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Joke of the Day

"*sees Deer Crossing sign* *further down the road sees deer nailed to crucifix* ""Oh wow, they weren't lying"""

"wife: can you stop messing around lawyer: im not wife: just read my husband's will please lawyer: that's what it says.. ""oOoOoh im a ghost"""

"If I ever saw an amputee being hung, I'd start yelling out letters."

"i just dropped my phone without the case on it and i can't tell what hit the ground faster my phone or my tears"

"Walked into a very expensive restaurant, sat down, was handed a menu. Comic Sans. Got up and left. Life is hard."

"Pregnancy tests in movies are so weird... She hands him the test and he stands there holding this stick of pee like it isn't a stick of pee"

"I am going to the Antique Roadshow. Gonna slap my tampon on the table and ask them what period it's from."

"What do a Christmas tree and a sterile man have in common? Their balls are for decoration only."

"Niagara Falls A guide was showing Niagara-Falls to a man from Texas and said; I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas. The Texan said; nope, but in Texas we have plumbers who can fix it."

"Getting old sucks. I walked into the bathroom and forgot what I went in there for. And then I shit my pants."