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Joke of the Day

"sorry i'm still an undecided voter, but it's hard to pick just one when I love them both so very very much"

"Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment. And I can't even get *that* right."

"An old lady at the park said to me today, ""I see your dog's fetching balls.""I said, ""I know he has but, at your age, you shouldn't really be looking."""

"probably the funniest noises you could hear during a funeral would be an actual donkey bray (eeyore noise), or the sound of dial-up internet"

"Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd Potato Head: I want to look good on my date"

"How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? Why do you need electric light when you have a glass ceiling?"

"Her: I love your lip gloss. What brand is it? Me: *looks puzzled*licks lips* It's donut glaze."

"What's the worst thing about alcoholics? They wine too much."

"I'm going to start rapping under the name ""Jay Y"" So I can tell Jay Z ""I'm coming for you"""

"Why is Iran called Iran? Because when I saw the bombs, I*ran*"