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Joke of the Day

"How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? Why do you need electric light when you have a glass ceiling?"

"A guy at work fell into our upholstery machine a week ago Don't worry, he's fully re-covered"

"I'm actually kind of handsome when you're drunk and the light is low and there's no other dudes around and you have low standards."

"Today I asked my mom what she did for a living, she replied ""I'm a headmaster"". To which my dad replied ""yeah she is"""

"Someone stole my pencil sharpener and now I can't stab people anymore."

"'How to Win Friends & Influence People' is getting a sequel How to lose friends and alienate people."

"What makes a Mexican saddest about the rise of ebooks? The closing of the Borders."

"On cold mornings, it'd be helpful if a menacing man screamed obscenities at me in German so I'd get out of the shower."

"I had to Seymour Hoffman at the gas station today You know, Philip?"

"There are two kinds of numbers... Rational numbers and Woman numbers."