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Joke of the Day

"I went to get a physical and the doctor told me I need to stop masturbating... I said, ""why?"" He said, ""Because I am giving you a physical!"""

"My wife asked me ""will you marry someone else if I die?"". "" Of course not "", I said. ""I'm not doing the same mistake twice"""

"Why did the squirrel swim on it's back? To keep it's nuts dry."

"I remember when yoga was called Twister."

"If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men?"

"What do you call a rude German? A Deutsch bag"

"Kylo Ren used to complain his parents were passive aggressive. Well, boo hoo. My dad was actively aggressive. Just ask my hand."

"My girlfriend let out a huge sigh during sex then I had to tape back the hole I punctured in her"

"A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it"

"In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine... Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came on just as I was filling the can"