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Joke of the Day

"A man in Tennessee was arrested for attempting to have sex with an ATM. Even worse, he received a penalty for early withdrawal."

"Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal"

"How do you find a velociraptor? By taking the integral of the acceleraptor! Me: http://imgur.com/H8rLjub Everyone else: http://imgur.com/J3hC4Ci"

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't still screw."

"The worst thing about babies is how little they appreciate all the sleep they get."

"My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds."

"You all know any good masturbation jokes? C'mon, I bet we can crank some out."

"What do you call an online correspondence with a transvestite? She-mail."

"[Working in a hospital] ME: Well, this guy's autopsy is done NURSE: You mean tonsillectomy ME: Uh oh"

"What's your favorite pick up line? Mine is the Ford F Series."