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Joke of the Day

"How do you get Martha Stewart to scream twice? Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on the curtains."

"Q: WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI? A: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down."

"Why can't ovaries sail a boat? Because they are not sea-men."

"how do you tell the difference between an extroverted engineer and an introverted engineer? the extroverted engineer looks at *your* shoes."

"[First Date] ""Okay don't let her know you're a tool shed"" Waiter: Anything to drink? Date: a screwdriver please *My head slowly opens*"

"Don't like me? You'll come around. - Onion Rings"

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"A man walks into a bar... Ouch...."

"I've been on my computer all night! Don't you think you'd be more comfortable on a bed like everyone else?"

"And then alcohol said ""Put that on facebook, it's hilarious."" But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong."